This is America, Jack!

Things I learned from Coming to America:

When in the presence of royalty, you might not know whether to bow or shake a hand. You'll feel like breakdancing!

A random act of kindness is enough to put two scheming commodity brokers back in business without the benefit a corporate bailout.

Donation plates can be easily mistaken for the trash.

The jury is still out on Martin Luther The King punching someone in the chest.

While three bathers may be on the job, it only takes one to make sure the Royal Penis is clean. Scuba divers need not apply.

If anyone wants to keep working at McDowells, they'll have to stay off the drugs.

It turns out that only GOD that sits on high helped Gilligan get off the island.

Thanks to this film, I now know what a pizzle is. And a diseased one on a Rhino cannot possibly be a pretty sight.

If the rent is due, that falling-down-the-stairs shit will not result in a grace period.

When giving donations, remember that most are happy to get the kind that jingles- but they'd rather have the kind that folds.

The fact that your girl don't want you no more might be tough to get through your greeezy head.

Your robbery will quickly be thwarted if you talk like you should be sucking on a bar of Irish Spring.

If done properly, a hand job over the jeans- but under the jacket can be quite satisfying.

Do not leave your luggage in the cab longer than 10 seconds in the 'common parts' of Queens.

In addition to rigorous etiquette training for a King, a selected Queen-to-be will be completely free from infection.

MC Peaches may have the hiccups- but that doesn't stop all the DJ's for wanting to feel her breasts.

The children really are our future. We should teachthemwelland...let dem lead the waaay.

Being heir to a Jherri Curl empire cannot compete with having your OWN Big Faces.

A simple snip of a rat tail braid goes for $8.00 at your local barber shop.

And now, for the sake of posterity...