Brought to you by the Letter B...for bored.

Okay, lately I've been trying (mostly in vain) to look busy at work. I even took to Googling ways to look busy at work- since brazenly hunting for my dream job online and uploading my resume may not be the best of looks. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure it's frowned upon at any workplace. Anyway, in my quest to fool the overseers while browsing the internet- I learned a few things. Some relevant. Some not so. So all my Nine to Fivers...pay attention. You might learn a thing or three.



Strategically spread out paperwork on your desk will hide the truth that you finished that project hours ago. Make sure it looks somewhat organized. This way, if you're really bored and actually feel like working, you won't look so inundated that they don't pile on more to your faux workload. The key factor: Never ever have a clear desk. Like, ever.




I don't know if anyone else cares- but the fact that Oscar the Grouch was orange from 1969-1970 was a delicious piece of trivia to this Sesame Street aficionado. Who knew?




http://www.someecards.com/ has become an old-new guilty pleasure. How can I get a job there?



Contrary to my previous FB updates, Bagel Day at the job is not so bad. It takes care of my grumbly Morning tummy once a week and is a wonderful way to kill time once you factor in how long I take to make a cup of hot chocolate. Sidebar: Two packets of Swiss Miss will yield gloriously creamy results without adding dairy. No more watery Cocoa for This Bug!



More Sesame Street trivia on deck. Cookie Monster's "cookies" were actually rice cakes that were painted beige with brown dots to mimic chocolate chips. They began this method through trial and error when they realized real cookies soiled Muppet fur beyond repair. That's before they went all PC and started making him eat veggies. C'mon Son! That's why he was the wild ass Cookie Monster. Nobody goes that crazy for cauliflower.



Drink lots of water at work. The health benefits are a given and if the cooler is a decent distance away, it burns up some time. Plus, you''ll have to go to the restroom often which is a perfectly acceptable way to waste company time. You're human. Make sure to have some work related material in your hands when you take this little Agua trek. It gets you out of unwanted conversation by saying you really have to get back to (insert false project here). Still looking busy. Everybody wins.


Last one, I swear. Bert's vertical stripes were utilized to imply an uptight disposition. In contrast, Ernie's stripes are horizontal to make him appear more relaxed and easygoing. Brilliant! How cool is that? Okay, maybe it's not so cool...but at least I learned something new. It was so hard to tear myself away from that website. Seriously.



Screensavers are a dead giveway of how long you've been AWOL. Disable that shit. Stat.




Each time a co-worker approaches me with an issue and starts their sentence with "Here's the situation..." I fight the urge to break into Heavy D's verse. "Idio[di]cy. Nonsense violence. Not a good policy." I have Hip-Hop Tourettes. It's true. Sidebar: After eons of knowing the song, I never noticed until the moment I was typing this blurb that Idiodicy is not a freakin' word.
I guess we got to keep ourselves in check...or else it's...

That's it for now. Come back later.

Um, You're corny. Go Away.

I have to do it. I'm going in on all the cornballs of the world. There is something to be said for these lames and here it is: You will not prosper. Everyone knows just the type of person I speak of- and if you don't, there's a good chance that you are the cornball of thee I sing.

Let's start off simple. Take Elvin Tibideaux of The Cosby Show.



This dude is the antithesis of Cool. Everything he said amounted to a bunch of nothing. There was nothing appealing about his speech, dress or demeanor. Just a Tight Ass for no good reason. The funny thing is- this is their true nature. It's not an act. They know no other way to be, even if they tried. Generally, they are pretty easy to spot but just in case you may unwittingly have one in your midst, let me give you a few pointers. The red flags should be flapping away if you witness any of the following behavior.

1. The quintessential footwear for Cornballs are Timberlands tied entirely too tight. It looks as if they should be scaling a telephone pole in a cherry picker to disconnect your Cable but in actuality, this is just their everyday look.

2. Appending to the unwritten rules of Cornball attire is anything lacking any sense of personal style. I can't say there's an exact uniform but it always looks haphazardly put together and just...lame.

3. They don't know when to give up. These individuals can't leave well enough alone. They talk too much about sh*t no one cares about and do so with reckless abandon.

4. Cornballs are constantly trying to prove how corny they are not. Why? They're not fooling anyone.

I try not to give these lames too much shine, since I have better things to do- but sometimes, you gotta call it like you see it. I know cornballs need love too, they just won't get it from This Bug.

Wanted: Cute Shoes and Good Drinks

What exactly is the definition of Cabin Fever? I don't know and I don't feel like Googling it right now. But I do know that I'm suffering from something like it. It's been a while since I threw on the Freakum dress and a fierce pair of heels to go party with my girls. I need to step out, sip a drink, move to some music and do some harmless flirting with a stranger. It's true. I need a girls night out ala Carrie & Co. Hold the Cosmos, it's so passé. I'll settle for my old standby: Goose and Cran in a nicely lit lounge. The sad truth is- all of my girlfriends are scattered nationwide or just too damn busy to paint the town red with me. I don't want to get drunk. I can do that at home while cooking a magnificent dinner. That was last week, actually...but I digress. I don't need wild Studio 54 shenanigans, just some cocktails and the typical girl gossip. Some late night cheesecake to cap the night off wouldn't hurt either. Hey, that's how I like to end a night of blaring music and potent potables. Don't judge. What's a bored shitless girl to do?