The Ugly Truth About Cyber Creeping Pt. II

Hello Boys and Girls. If you're just tuning in to the Cyber Creeping discussion- stop. Click here to see where it all began and then head back over. Okay, now let's resume our topic.

If the communication eventually leads to meeting up in person- this 'innocent' little correspondence has already snowballed out of control. Let's examine a few things.

1. Both parties know full and well that their significant others would not appreciate this little tete-à-tete.

2. Harmless flirting = Huge oxymoron. Whether the intentions are to boost your own ego, see if you "still got it" or manipulate the flirtee into something more- the flirter is fully aware of those intentions and possible consequences.

3. The parameters of cheating differ greatly from person to person. I've heard some ridiculous justifications in my adult life. Things like oral sex not being considered cheating because actual intercourse did not take place. Then there are the folks who think secret emails are a form of cheating. Whatever the boundaries may be, these definitions usually aren't drawn until that forbidden Blow J or Inbox thrill takes place. By then the damage is already done.

4. If you are constantly covering your tracks by clearing internet history, password protecting every movement, feverishly closing tabs or abruptly shutting down the PC when Hubby or Wifey walks in- you know you're up to no damn good.

5. Sooner or later- this online subterfuge comes full circle. Someone, if not all everyone connected is bound to get hurt.

Now, This Bug is of the personal belief that an emotional affair is just as harmful as a physical one. An online correspondence can spring into something deeper if those involved are not careful. Why? Because if you are already in a "real life" relationship- you have unwittingly invited a third party into it with simple flirting potential. The truth is that there is no escape from reality. While you're busy fantasizing about the person on the screen- real life is going on at home and that is probably what requires most of your attention. If there's trouble in paradise, seeking an outlet with that online flame is not the answer. Don't make the mistake of discussing your real life relationship issues with your Cyber Buddy either. This gives them an even greater foothold into your dealings. The danger in that is that this person starts to look a lot like the solution to your problems- when nothing could be further from the truth. This person can make you feel like you're walking on sunshine when in actuality- they can be whomever they want to be with you. I mean, we all know the dangers of strangers in chatrooms- but it doesn't stop there. You stand to open Pandora's Box with someone you think you already know.

So the next time you run across someone and decide to innocently play catch-up, be sure that it stops there. No need to exchange IP addresses or any other address for that matter. Remember Boys and Girls, before you hit send- trouble can be just a mouse click away.

The Ugly Truth About Cyber Creeping Pt. I

Hello Boys & Girls. Today we're going to talk about cyber-flirting, cyber-cheating and the thin line in between. Technology allows for those lines to be blurred significantly and some of you may not know how to discern the two. No worries. This Bug has a few theories.

Let's say you create an account for one of those nifty online social networking sites a'la Myspace or Facebook. At first it's okay. You're still learning how to navigate the damn thing and don't spend much time on it. Then gradually you begin to have many blasts from the past. People you haven't seen hide nor hair from in eons are suddenly a keystroke away. What fun! This is kinda cool after all. It's all going along smoothly- just something you log on to when you're bored. And just when you think it's safe- that certain someone pops onto the scene. You may just be going about your everyday business, or you may be secretly hoping this person has gotten with the times and also signed up. It may be an Ex from back in the day or someone who always ran in the same social circles as you- but you never quite crossed paths. Whatever it may be, it starts out harmless enough.

There's the whole "Hey! How have you been?! Wow. It's been forever!" catch-up followed by glossing over some very pertinent details of one another's lives. This person may be married, engaged or involved in a committed relationship. It may or may NOT be common knowledge...Now pay attention because this is where it gets tricky. Playful banter can easily slip into something more serious.

If one or both parties are in a "real life" relationship- no matter the state of it, they may find themselves escaping real life through this cyber connection. Suddenly, they are logging on at inopportune times to check their messages. Signing on late at night because they simply cannot wait until the coast is clear. They may send thinly veiled signals to each other that may not be visible to the naked eye. And just like that; the birth of the Online Affair.

The trouble with the Internet rendezvous is that the gravitational pull may be too strong for one or both parties. Sooner or later, plans to meet up in person eventually come up...

*************Stay tuned for Part II*************

Photo Courtesy: Getty Images

I see you, Playa

There is something to be said about the advancement of technology and its effects on human behavior today. Virtually everywhere you turn, there's an eye in the sky or some sort of tracking device in place. We are lead to believe that it's there for our security and safety- but really all it does is invade the privacy of our lives and make our worlds a lot smaller. Rather than rage against this intrusive machine- I opt for turning my own eye back at it. It's my way of saying, "I'm watching you watch me- and there is nothing you can do about it anymore than I can." One of two things will happen. They can stop watching or try to cover their tracks and continue to watch. Either way, there's now a ghost in the machine. It won't quite function the same way in the knowledge that it is being monitored as well. That kind of makes me want to laugh.


In any case, when you 'walk good' you really shouldn't care who is watching that walk- should you? I liken it to passing a cop while doing just above the speed limit. As long as there's no clip in my astray, open Becks bottles on the backseat or a dead hooker in the trunk- why should I fear driving by a squad car? I might look suspect just trying to maintain the speed limit and get pulled over anyway. But I digress. My point is that if you aren't doing anything wrong- you'll have no desire to hide your deeds. Seems simple enough to me.

We are living in the times of the unseen hand. It would not be honest of me to say that I don't make use of these particular devices for my own satisfaction at one time or another. Everyone does it. No one wants to admit it. Make no mistake. We are a nation of voyeurs. Everyone wants to know what everyone else is doing. Consult your basic Twitter or Facebook activity if you don't believe me. But it's interesting to see how differently people behave when they think they can no longer be seen. Do they hitch up that skirt to adjust a thigh-high? Would they run after the person before them who left their cell phone at the ATM ? Will they continue to shadow someone long after they've erased all traces of their following? I suppose it's not for me to know. This Bug is smirking at the subterfuge. All I can do is keep doing what I do. Who am I to stop them from enjoying the view?

"So I keep one eye open like C-B-S. Ya see me stressed, right?"

Jay Z - Can I Live

Let's talk about text, Baby

This Bug has something to confess. I'm a severely harsh judge of those who have a so-so command of the English language. It's true. If I hear a word used grossly out of context or see a misspelled word; I'm on it like white on rice. I don't know why. I am a card carrying member of the Grammar Police. And I pack a mental red pen everywhere I go. That being said- I want to elaborate on how much botched speech or writing irritates me; and this has never been more prevalent than in the good ole text message.

Awhile back- I received a text message that went something like this: Oboma is hott in dah debates rite now. Lemme hit you bak later.


This may sound neurotic. I may even be nitpicking just a tad, but seriously...WTF?! Let's start with the misspelling of Obama's name for one. That's just wrong. The man himself is history in the making and you can't even spell his name correctly? I personally know third graders that would not have f*cked that up.

Next was the useless addition of the extra 't' in the word hot. Word, Son? Is that supposed to tell me how much 'Oboma' is on fiyah while he outshines McCain? Gett out!

Here's my real problem. If you are going to take the time to type 3 characters any damn way- just type 'the' instead of 'dah'. Even 'da' would have been mildly excusable but this shit just really put me over the top. Never mind the last line. Needless to say I was totally unavailable when this mangler of diction finally got 'bak' to me and have been ever since.

It's crazy, I know- but I really can't stand it when people talk stupid, type stupid or look stupid. As I've said before- what comes out of our mouths (or fingertips in this case) is just a distortion of the pure thought we had to begin with. So if that stupid thought has executed itself onto my LCD screen, I'm rolling my eyes and containing the urge to text back: You are a moron.


Anyway, as an officer of the Grammar Police I have to say that is has not been easy for the men who approach me. I am merciless when it comes to how much of the gray matter they employ during speech and rhetoric. A well read and well spoken dude has the odds slanted in his favor. Point blank- there will be no peeks at the peaks if you cannot differentiate which is which in a sentence. I don't want to make it sound as if I write Pulitzer Prize winning text messages. I still utilize a lot of brevity when it comes to texting. But nothing I send is unintelligible- and I expect the same in return. Best case scenario: I will call you out on it. Worst case: I will auto-delete your dumb ass. Period.

iTalk : Rise of the Machines

Today I was thinking about how much our technology has superseded our humanism. Every form of communication has been relegated to the lowest personal denominator. Granted, we all know the conveniences of IM's, texting, emails and even the good old fashioned phone call- but it makes me think about how we interact when we are up close and personal.

I myself have always been very conscious of body language and how I speak. As far back as I can remember, I made it a point not to lean into a car while speaking with someone who is seated in it. It never mattered whether it was a man or a woman in the car either. To me, a female leaning in such a manner always looked like 'it' was on sale and the rent was due. Call me a prig. Whatever. But the way we carry ourselves is the direct product of how we see ourselves or market ourselves, so to speak. And while the rent is always due- It ain't ever for sale. Just my take on it, but I digress. I know that what comes out of our mouths is just a distortion of the pure thought we have. To go further, that which comes from our fingertips is an even more processed division of what could be spoken, if that were the medium being used.

When it comes to how far we've technologically advanced- I worry that the common thread has been lost. I once had a friend tell me about receiving an E-card for her birthday from someone she considered a very close friend. In the time it took to browse the internet, make a selection, personalize the card, confirm whether she wanted a copy of the electronic card in question and then finally send it- she could have picked up the phone and simply wished the girl a much appreciated Happy Birthday. Everything is so impersonal these days. Like Badu, I feel a lot like an Analog Girl in a Digital World. There is a vivid disconnect between what we think, feel and actually say/type. How many of you have executed the LOL and hit send when in reality it should have been NRL (not really laughing)? We all want to believe that when we communicate with someone, the real person is shining through. Can we ever really be sure? Doesn't everything look good on paper? It makes me want to update the old adage: If he/she looks good on the LCD screen, make sure that's what you're really getting. In the age of artificial intimacy, don't be afraid to find out just how deep that keystroke really runs. Yes, these are fantastically futuristic times but don't forget to connect, People.