Head Above Water

I baptized myself
in your "holy" mysteries
and came up
gasping for air.
There is something
to be said
for easing into things
and letting time
run its course.

I wish I had listened.

But with you,
I balked.
I longed to know you.
I ached to touch you.
I heard your unwhispered

words and felt your
double-edged swords.

And every time you spoke,
I hardened to the truth
and pretended
that it wasn't.

I wanted to feel your
heart beating beneath
your ribs.
I wanted to taste
each of your sighs
and look deep into you.
Never to look back...

but now,
now I can breathe.