Liars
This one seems pretty obvious but I'll explain anyway. Liars are worse than thieves. A thief may be after material goods, but a liar is after my reality- and I can't abide by that. I also happen to have an excellent memory so these folks don't get very far before I call them on it.
Racists
This could easily be number one but lying gets my goat way more than ignorant bliss. Particularly disturbing are their sweeping statements and insistence to live in the past rather than adapt to their ever evolving environment. Baseless fears and learned hate disgust This Bug.
Giants in Strollers
I can't be the only one who gets stuck behind the slowest moving stroller possible in the Mall. You finally get around them and glance back to find what looks like a long legged 7 year old whose feet are dragging on the ground. Lazy, overgrown kid in a stroller. At least that explains the hold up. I want to throw a roundhouse kick at the equally lazy mom and scream "He can walk, Dammit! Let him!"
Damsels In Distress
Three Words: Suck it up. Make that four. Suck it up, Bitch. I'm so tired of the 'woe is me' act. It kills me when I see women perpetuate the "weaker sex" stereotype by playing the tiny violins and batting the long lashes through crocodile tears. This is especially annoying when it's the Poor Little Rich Girl act. Go cry into your Hermés Birkin bag, Princess.
Celebrity Clothing Lines
Really, when will it end? I understand how lucrative it may be to have your name attached to T-shirts made in Guatemala, but this pisses me off since most of them haven't the first clue about fashion to begin with. This territory should be left to Sean Combs and Gwen Stefani. At least they know a thing or two about style and put out some quality gear. Ditto for celebrity fragrances. I blame MJ for that one.
Constant Callers
Listen, just because someone owns a cell phone does not grant you the right to instant or continuous access to them. What in the world did we do before this little technological advancement? Oh, I remember. Wait for the person to call us back! Then there's the whole Caller ID thing which makes it pretty plain that I know that you know that I know you are relentlessly calling and refuse to give up. If it's that serious; leave a message.
Being Hit on by Married Men
I'm not talking about the men who hide the fact that they are married and carry on as though they are single. Those bastardos are in a class by themselves. I'm talking about the ones you come across on a daily basis. The ones with the family photo in plain sight while he checks you out and asks why you two have never had lunch together. Oh, look at that. Your wife is on Line 1. You should take that. Gotta run!
Idiot Drivers
Let's keep it real. The DMV does not give a shit who can drive skillfully or who cannot. It's been a while since I've been there, but I envision a piñata style free-for-all where licenses just spill out by the plentiful pound. Every day I am reminded of how many morons are lawfully allowed to operate vehicles. I've introduced many a driver to my expansive array of profanities on several occasions. Yes, this pretty mouth can form the phrases that will disprove your faith in mankind. I've been known to yell F*ckhead, F*ckface, F*cksnot and the like into open windows...But trust me- it was well deserved. Don't let this be you.
Close Talkers
Honestly, I can't think of anyone who would be okay with this sort of invasion. They say the average person needs 3 feet of personal space. Well I'm not the average person. I prefer about 6 feet. Can't talk right now. Ummmkay? Thanks. Bye.
Anyway, This Bug may consider compiling an opposite list of her own personal Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens. Stay tuned, Boys and Girls.
Photo Courtesy: Corbis
2 comments:
You're funny.
I'd add: "Being accused of ish I'm innocent of."
I surprisingly agree with all of them, but the Damsels in Distress (the picture of Paris Hilton was VERY well placed) and the Constant Callers were my most favorites.
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