To All the Toys I Loved Before

Recently I was strolling down Memory Lane via some old photo albums from my childhood and it was pointed out to me that every year Christmases were good to me. Really good. Like, every year. At first I protested but the longer I looked- the truer it became. On almost every page are pictures of me surrounded by mountains of festive wrapping paper. You have to look closely to find me at the center of all of it- proudly brandishing the next new indulgence. I have to say that by no means was I a spoiled child. Let's clear that up right now. I just so happen to be the baby, which ordinarily by default would mean I was spoiled. Not so. You see, there is a considerable age difference between myself and two older sisters (who are only one year apart) and for that reason, I was left to my own devices. My parents seemed to understand that, which explains why Christmases were so good. They just didn't want me to be lonely or bored. Lord help them if I got bored. Kidding!

So this stroll I took made me think of all the toys I had over the years. A few stand out to me and it's those that I want to share with you. I can't be the only one who delighted in these 80's throwbacks so...let's do this, shall we?

Simon Says

I attribute a lot of my hand-eye coordination today to this nifty little gadget of yesteryear. What can I say. It made cool noises and had primary colors. Kept me occupied for hours... or so it seemed.


Cabbage Patch Kids

Okay, I'll be honest here. These dolls were ugly and I never liked them. But they were all the rage and my parents seemed to think I deserved one. It came with an official birth certificate and a signature stitched into the ass for authenticity. Not making that up, Folks. I could have lived without this mush-mouthed doll but I was never ungrateful. They also had a very specific smell. It was weird. Like that new car smell you come to know as an adult. They were probably pumped full of chemicals for all I know.

Operation

This was my shit! Another coordination honer. I loved this game! The toughest removal was the Charlie Horse. The Funny Bone was no cakewalk either. It was this game that made me realize that my father missed his calling as a surgeon. He made it look effortless. Seriously.


Atari 2600

This was more like a gift for my sisters than myself, but I still got a lot of run on it. I was sick with Pitfall! and Missile Command. My middle sister was the reigning Pacman queen in our household for a long time. She had a way of laying in the cut and letting all the ghosts get right up on her before she ate a power pellet and took them all out in one fell swoop. Sometimes she took too long. They ate her. She got pissed. We laughed at her. She got really pissed. We laughed harder.

Teddy Ruxpin

This adorable storytelling bear was so very charming. The best part of his charm was when I took out the story tapes he came with and popped in my sister's UTFO tape instead. To watch his lips rhyme the words to Roxanne, Roxanne was something that made my day. Ditto for Doug E. Fresh's La Di Da Di. "You can't have me. I'm too young for you, B*tch." His eyes rocked back and forth like he was really feelin' it, too. Ah...good times.

Etch-A-Sketch

Try as I may, I was never able to master this one. I recently played with one my nephew had and I still cannot create anything more recognizable than the New York City skyline. And by skyline I mean two identical buildings that resemble the Twin Towers and one on a slant that passes for the Chrysler building if you close one eye and hold it upside-down.

Plastic Charm Necklaces

Mannn...Listen. You couldn't tell me nuthin'! I was a Fly Girl when these hit the scene. I had every charm you could think of. It made no sense. This is when my mild OCD started revealing itself to me by the way. I didn't care if they were different colors. I couldn't have the lipstick charm right next to the tennis racket. You had to have a theme, Dammit! And that took some time to make happen. Perhaps too much time.

Anyway, I can go on but I think that might nullify the point I was trying to make about not being spoiled. For the record, my definition of a spoiled child is not one who has a gaggle of toys to play with and wants for nothing. It's a child who is never satisfied and believes that they should have something simply because they desire it. I was no Veruca Salt. That was never my mindset as a child. I was always pleasantly surprised and very grateful inside and out. Except for when I got that hideous Cabbage Patch Doll. Shhh...don't tell anyone.