Panty Free Zone : Fridays Only

"She might not have no draws but I bet she won't forget the hot sauce."- Erykah Badu

First off, this one's not for the prudes. Bounce. Okay. Now...I don't know if it's been officially declared. I'm pretty sure I'm not the first to kick this idea around- but seriously, there needs to be a National No Panties Day on the calendar. A Friday, for sure. Few things are as sexy and as liberating as walking around knowing that you have no undergarments on but everyone is none the wiser. Before everyone gets their panties in a bunch (but decides not to join me and toss them over your shoulder) hear me out for sec. As long as you can pull it off (no pun intended- I swear) why not? Picture it. A nice form-fitting skirt sans hosiery over a bare naked ass...there is nothing like it. Let me tell you. You walk differently. You smile more. You feel like the sexiest bitch on the planet. Because at that very moment, you are. I don't recommend this sort of thing on the daily but once a month wouldn't hurt. More often in the summer makes perfect sense to me. Ladies, if you do decide to take the plunge, bear in mind a few things:

• Your hygiene must be up to par. Look, you know when things ain't all good in Southland. If you can't walk around with the butterfly floating fresh and free- don't even bother. Aromas, leakage or any other issues are a no-go. 'Nuff said.

• Check the forecast the day before. If it's gonna be a windy day worthy of a toupée alert or tiny dog warning - you may want to nix wearing a flouncy skirt with nothing underneath. Breezy? Yay. Blustery? Nay.
  

• If you're worried about your Hoo-hah making it to an upskirt website- stay off the escalators at the mall. There are fifteen year old boys out there with very sophisticated camera phones...waiting just for you.

• Be mindful of your car exit strategy. I've coached several people on limousine exit techniques over the years. The rule of thumb actually goes in reverse here. You don't want to look as though you're popping out of a cake at your cousin's wedding- so the key is to step out shoulders back, toe first. Take panties out of the equation and the opposite is true. Picture gracefully climbing out of a swimming pool. Arms forward, securing your weight. Head first, right? Good. Practice makes perfect- unless of course you don't mind showing the pervs across the street your Britney.

• On this particular day, throw on your Next Top Model walk. Hold eye contact a little longer than you normally would. Even if you only need a basket for a few things, get behind a cart at the supermarket and roll down the aisles. Ever. So. Slowly. Confidence is key.

• Unwritten rule: Intentionally allow at least one random individual to sneak a peek. Or not.

• Lastly, it doesn't hurt to let just one person in on your little secret since it's way sexier than Victoria's. Preferably via phone or text message. Trust me. They will literally count the minutes until they can see for themselves if you were telling the truth or not. Chances are, they won't be able to contain themselves once they learn you weren't bluffing. The rest is completely up to you.

Now, I know there are tons of underwear in that top drawer of yours. Lacy thongs. Boy shorts. Tangas. String bikinis. Knickers. You name it. But until you've gone commando for an entire day- you're evading pure sexiness and sensuality in all its glory. Why? Try it now. Thank me later. It's not nasty. It's not freaky. (Well, maybe a little...) It's just one more thing to bring you closer to yourself. It's as close to going naked as you can get without stopping traffic and catching a public indecency charge. Free your mind and your ass will follow.

And "Fellas, if you can't afford it...I think you need to video tape record it."




Let's end all this with one of the finest odes to the cornerstone of lingerie by one of the greats. The jewel of this one is that he never mentions them... but you know they're ready to be removed. Ladies and Gents...be inspired.