There once was a time when I loved Halloween. Loved It. Something about the crispness in the air and the bubbly anxiety that came with dressing up and going house to house for sweets. It thrilled me to no end. Then I grew up. Which really sucks because of part of me still really wants to celebrate this peculiar holiday. It's the one time you can step out of your 'all grown up' shell and really let your fun-loving side show. I can't say exactly when it happened, but somewhere along the way- everyone became too cool to wear a costume...and This Bug was forced to assimilate.
Take 4th grade for instance. Only two other kids in my class dressed up the year I came as a fortune teller. It was really cool, too.
I wore one of my mother's decorative scarves around my head and my arms jingled with a bevy of gold bangles. I was the most spell-bounding gypsy that elementary school ever did see. I also had a clear water balloon for a crystal ball but that didn't work out so well. I can still see the look on the custodian's face as he dragged his mop around my desk. That was last time I wore a costume for the rest of my school career.
Fast-forward to my 19th year. I was Tina Turner for Halloween.
I know, I know. It was a cheap shot, but I got rave reviews for my red shimmy dress and black eye. Incidentally, my date stole the show as Ike Turner. He carried a single Stacy Adams alligator shoe (size 13) and repeatedly threatened me throughout the night. "Sing the GOTDAMN song, Anna Mae- before I go upside your head!" I know what you're thinking- but we can all celebrate her freedom from that abusive relationship now, so it's all in good fun, right? Right?! What's Halloween got to do with it? Let's just move on...The last time I dabbled in the spooky revelries was during my illustrious stint as a bartender.
I was some variation of Spider Girl. Yes, the outfit was a tad on the racy side À la Frederick's of Hollywood, but it spoke to the superhero in me. I had fun with it, complete with a spider in my luxurious wig (which was mistaken for a crab by one inebriated patron) and creepy-crawly accessories. FYI: For looking equal parts 'trick' and 'treat' I made record breaking tips that night- and it was unanimously decided that I would have won best costume, but as an employee was ineligible to enter the contest. Who cares? I could have bottle of Perrier Jouët any time I wanted, anyhow. Sidebar: I recently found that webbed leotard get-up while cleaning out my closet the other day and simply could not bring myself to throw it out. 
So now I'm all grown up and it's all about the kids now. I really need to make my way to Walmart and stock up before my doorbell starts ringing. But dammit, I still want in on some of the fun. Just once, I'd like to be Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's. I've got the black sheath dress and the fake baubles covered. All I need is the cigarette holder. Or maybe even a Geisha Girl. There's a ton of fun to be had with the Kabuki make-up alone. Oh well, I guess it's time to pass the torch. But I still love Halloween and I still love candy...And they can't take that away from me.
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