List-O-Mania

Disclaimer: The following lists have been compiled in no particular order and directly represent the views and opinions of the author. We can agree to disagree. Alas, it is This Bug's Top 5. Ya heard? Cool. Let's go in.

Top 5 Cans of Whoop Ass To Be Opened In a Movie

Training Day: Yes, Denzel put in work but proved that when you don't fight fair, karma can make Swiss Cheese out of you all of three minutes later. King Kong had nothing on him, but that sexy Russian vamp lighting the cig had the drop on him from first glance.

Harlem Nights: Eddie Murphy vs. Della Reese. That old woman would still be whooping Quick's ass if he didn't blow that black, crusty, dead gnarled motherf*cker off her foot. Quotable: "Oh...you wanna hit people with garbage cans. Now I got to cut ya." Priceless.

Foxy Brown: Pam Grier put it on about four white chicks at once; complete with platform shoes and razor blades stashed in the 'fro. Does it get any better?

Layer Cake: What happens when a Trini man does a 10 year bid for a slouch who wants a free breakfast they day they meet again? Perhaps one of the most brutal beatdown scenes (without showing any true violence) I've ever seen in my life. Ever.

True Romance: Tony Soprano vs. Patricia Arquette in a motel room. Damn good fight. Almost hard to watch. Though it's amazing how fast order can be restored with a lighter and a can of hairspray.

Top 5 Fads That Should Never Make a Reappearance

Gumby Haircuts: Um...not even Gumby looked cool with this one, Fellas.

Hammer Pants: I feel tears sting my eyes like Nettie in The Color Purple when I look back on this horrible Hammertime trend. "Why?! Whyyyy?!"

Loud Colored "Oaktree" Suits: Let's be real. The Kenny G reject from Color Me Badd was not sexin' anybody up in that tacky teal green get-up. For some reason I never remember to BCC Steve Harvey on that memo...

Acid Washed Denim: It was dead wrong then. It would be felonious now.

Banana Clips: The ladies are not off the hook here. If you had a lot of hair, you looked like a wild pony. If you didn't have enough, it looked like something painfully caught in a bear trap. Either way these colorful plastic bits of evil should go back to the hell from whence it came.

Top 5 Things That Go Together Like Peanut Butter & Jelly

Strippers and Clear Heels: I don't know if it's the universal uniform for exotic dancers or what, but these plexiglass platforms can be found at a titty bar near you. *Glittery thong contents sold separately.

Ghostface Killah and Raekwon the Chef: The alchemy of these two is comparable to none. The Dynamic Duo- hands down. Meth and Red know it.

Holidays and Family Meltdowns: It's all fun and games until your uncle brings up the fact that he used to talk to your Mama first. Didn't know that, did ya?

Myspace Attention Whores and Bathroom Pics: Don't you know we can SEE the toilet seat in the background? Not Cute.

Long Island Iced Teas and Regrettable Sex: Uh...so I've heard. Ahem...

Top 5 Things that will NEVER make sense to me

Nas and Kelis: I know. It sounds like I'm hatin'... but how does one of the realest cats to walk the planet hook up with this Space Cadet? Even the Sphinx is baffled.

Selfish People: Look, I know all about taking care of self first- but the "whats-in-it-for-me" individual immediately loses my respect. If you have to be convinced to do a favor for someone, don't bother. Just keep goin' for dolo til you find yourself in need.

Gospel Rappers: I know there's a positive message in the music. I know this. But rap is not meant to be heard directly after Shirley Ceasar.

The Reality TV Craze: Newsflash! It's scripted, People. And oh yeah, your votes don't actually count. Stop texting. I'll stick to The First 48, thank you. At least those are real people.

Gay Thugs: No way you're that gangsta if you're kissing another dude's chest, Man. I'm just sayin'.