A Predicament of Sorts

The weekend approaches. I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be the social butterfly. So how in the world did I find myself in this dilemma? Behind door number one is a good friend we’ll call “B” for now. She’s everything you could want in an amiga. When she listens, she truly listens instead of just waiting for her turn to speak. She’s vivacious, attentive and trustworthy. She also happens to be a devout vegetarian. The girl loves her tofu like a cowboy loves his whiskey.
Behind door number two is a good friend we’ll call “V”. He is hands-down the most hilarious person I have the pleasure of knowing. Our conversations are littered with side-splitting laughter. He is witty, well-read and to the best of my knowledge, an absolute foodie. I should note that nothing makes him happier than bacon, which he considers a condiment. It's part of his charm.

Now…the crux. Both are celebrating birthdays this coming Saturday. I have been invited to spend an evening out with "B" and several of her vegan friends at a no doubt organically acceptable restaurant. This would be a good time to mention that I can only take pretentious folks in limited doses. It has been my experience that strict vegetarians can hardly offer an opinion or state a fact without prefacing it with, “Well, before I went vegan…” or “After I became a vegetarian…” And mind you, we could be talking about some random item in the news or one’s last trip to the dentist. The very thought of it is an exercise in tolerance. On the other hand is a night out with my meat-loving buddy "V" and a few his friends. He loves a good porterhouse, fine cheese and a bottle of Bordeaux to wash it all down. He is also never quite sure of when to call it a night. There have been many misadventures that wouldn't be so funny had we not been three sheets to the wind. Luckily cops were never called, the consequences being only a severe hangover. More on that some other time.

I don’t want to make this sound as simple as differing food preferences. She’s a militant 80's Baby who is strong in her convictions. He loves Reaganomics and all that it did for this wonderful country. (His words, not mine) You’d be hard pressed to find two people more opposite in views, tastes and dislikes. But they both are a joy to be around. I can only imagine the carnage that would ensue if these two were left alone for more than five minutes. I simply cannot decide. I just wish there were a happy medium. With all the stem-cell research going on, perhaps I can clone myself by Saturday night. Maybe I’ll just hide out until Sunday. Argh! The quagmire…