2009 VMA's: Sweet Dreams or Beautiful Nightmares

If you don't know by now, This Bug doesn't usually report pop culture. But when I see something as noteworthy as the circus that was the 2009 VMA's, you know you're going to hear about it. Understand that this is just about what caught my attention. Okay...where to start.

How 'bout that Janet?

She killed it. Like I knew she would. Pardon me if I'm still a little sentimental off the loss of Mike but this made me emotional. There's something about siblings when they do the same thing with finesse that has no comparison. Blood's thicker than the mud. It's a family affair. They are born entertainers. I remember that Scream video so well, that it broke my heart when the screen was blank behind her; because that was the part where they playfully nudged and poked at one another in the original, the way only brothers and sisters do. Outstanding performance. I felt her.


Next up, Kanye Was. Oh, I mean West.

Your boy is officially washed. We all know he's not too proud to be the biggest asshole in the room, but C'mon already. Grabbing the mic from that poor little girl to proclaim that Beyonce had the best video? Taylor looked like she was about to shit a bus. That's just attention seeking at its lowest. Aight, we know you throw tantrums. We get it. Okay, your moms passed and you lost it for a little while. We even overlooked a wack-ass Auto-tune album because you supposedly got your heart stepped on. But a no-class move during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech only shows what a real douche he is...and that's reaching because at least douche is granted access into the most prized nether regions. I mean, when ODB did it at the Grammys, it was to say that Wu Tang was fo' da kids. Kanye might have just sealed his fate as a social pariah with that dumb-ass move. He better watch out before a kinder, gentler Madonna really snatches Amber Rose's ass up while he's busy being such a dick.



Let's move on to the real star of the night, tributes and rudeness notwithstanding. Lady Gaga:

This is MY GIRL ! There is no limit to her over-the-top act. A true artist in every aspect of the word. She's not afraid to shake out. She could give a fat frog's ass what people think, and it shows. Add that to her natural born talent and that makes her unstoppable. Her performance was edgy as always. The choreography wouldn't have been complete without the bloodletting, exposing the Paparazzi for the relentless, parasitic scum that they are. Let's not even start on the fashion. Clad in a red lace get-up topped by a mask that resembled a burning building, she let everyone know she's on fire. She makes pop tarts like Brittany and Christina Aguilera look stale in the toasters of yesteryear. "It's my first f---ing Moonman." I suspect it won't be the last. After last night, the world has officially gone gaga for Gaga. She's Beautiful and Dirty Rich!

And last but definitely not least...

Welcome to New York...except for you L'il Mama a.k.a The Accidental Tourist. What. The. French Toast? The only one to be successfully ripped to ribbons on Twitter, Facebook and other online mediums simultaneously and faster than Kanye's stupid ass. This girl did not get the memo that she is simply tolerated in the industry. The look on Alicia and Jay's faces were priceless. On some... is this bitch serious? What ever she smoked before jumping her silly ass on stage with them...I want to stay far away from. She is supposed to have someone on her team to tell her to be easy. To tell her that it's not the best idea to run up there as if you're part of the performance. Someone, in short to check her. But no one came to her rescue and she wound up playing herself to the umpteenth degree. I have no sympathy. She's a bird. Matta fact, she looked like a bird that flew out of that nest Lady Gaga was rockin' on her face.

Some honorable mentions include:

• Russel Brand's apparently painted on trousers. Sorry, that might just be me. He's a trip.

• Pink's acrobat lessons finally paying off. She's another one that doesn't give a whut!

• The trailer for New Moon in the Twilight series actually got my attention- even if I didn't see the first one.

• Beyonce's classy option to bring Taylor back up on stage. Great PR move if nothing else.

Anyway, like Forest Gump said: That's all I have to say about that. All you cool hunters and taste makers, be sure to swing by again for some reviews of the outrageous, fabulous and senseless. It's not often I do a 'stop and chat' on these matters. Later Gators.