The Purple Unicorn Theory

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I'm a born cynic.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I wasn't born a cynic.  It just became part of my make-up after years of experience. Sarcasm.  Now, that I'm positive is ingrained in my DNA.  But the cynic in me was created almost as a coping mechanism- especially where romantic matters are concerned.  I've always said that if I were to send you out on a mission to find two things; a willfully monogamous man and purple unicorn- you would sooner return with the unicorn. Because to me, they are one in the same.  A mythical creature that everyone has heard about in stories or seen in movies but in actuality does not exist. Only depictions of one's imagination.  An illusion to be sought but never visualized in real life.  I know, it sounds extraordinarily pessimistic but at the very least, it's realistic.

This leads me to my friend Warren.  We work together at my side gig. He's not yet 26 and holds two art degrees.  He sees everything in color.  There's no black and white with him.  He is by far one of the most optimistic people I know.   His philosophies on life and relationships always lead me to believe he maintains this perspective because he's still young and idealistic.  And I always walk away from our chats feeling a mixture of disdain for holding a bleak if not pragmatic outlook and hopefulness that I may one day look at the glass as half full for a change.  To hear him tell it- he would not be forced into being with just one girl.  He would do it because that's just who he is.  When he first said this to me, I answered with a blank non-believing stare.  Surely, any man not forced by circumstance would be with more than one woman for at least a moment in time.  That is my conjecture.  A hypothesis that has been tested time and again by my own experiences and through countless platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex.  When I was 15, I sat slack jawed with some of the things my male friends told me about their exploits.  By 20, I listened almost absently as they recounted their Lotharion tales. Not a lot has changed.  Many birthdays, some marriages and a few kids later- they pretty much still have the same habits.

But Warren believes there is one person out there for him. A soul mate. The One.  And he will be with her and only her as long as time allows.  Rather than cut down his ideal with a verbal scythe, I listen.  You see, I once believed I had one of those.  A twin flame.  An unbreakable bond and true love. And he wanted to be with me and only me. No one could tell me otherwise. Back then I was what they'd call a hopeless romantic, not unlike Warren. But if were to be honest with all of you- that person was already committed to another and so was I. So the Purple Unicorn theory solidified shortly thereafter.  You get older...or I got older- and realized that love is not about the 'together forever' they sell you from the time you're old enough to crack open a story book.  Happily Ever After is a fantasy.  It's not real.  You have your good times and your bad.

Conceptually, I don’t feel that we are allotted only one soul mate in our lifetime. I think some people often mistake a romantic connection with an otherwise spiritual one. They confuse a soul mate with a sole mate.  While that connection may include romance- a true soul mate doesn’t necessarily require it in my book. Your soul mate is your touchstone. A person who may be a polar but parallel opposite. They just get you and you get them. I have a female cousin, an ex-lover and a very close friend; all of whom I consider my soul mates. We have an near non-verbal communication- and our connections were almost immediate as my confectioner in the blogosphere, Candy Girl once put it.

This is what I want to convey to Warren when he gets that misty, far off look in his eye as he describes what has to exist out there for him- but I don't.  Far be it from me to shatter one's ideal of love and life.  All I know is that unicorns and one-woman men have never existed in the world as I know it.  And that's okay.  This world is too cruel for them to sustain a true permanence. Does that make me a cynic? I'm not so sure.  Sooner or later, someone would slay that purple unicorn. Skin its violet hued hide and feed upon its divine flesh. Extract that remarkable horn and ground it to a fine lavender iridescent powder- simply because they could.  So they belong in another world...just like Warren.

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