This morning

An errant silver hair up front

betrays the girlish ponytail

I've so painstakingly constructed

this morning.

It's chillier in the apartment

than usual- knowing it's already hot

in the Sunshine state.

I do not hear the kettle on the range.

Forget the black pekoe steeping

in my mug dotted with ladybugs.

No time to drink it.
Too much time spent on the ponytail

that isn't fooling anyone.

I ring my father.

Remind him of the man

we would see
while lapping the high school track
for exercise.
He would walk the grassy outskirts
in shorts and knee high socks
jostling a rocks glass of amber liquid.
Nodding at passers by.
A comical smile on his face.
Bourbon perhaps?
For the sake of refills I hope
he lived close by.
We laugh-
even as I feel my happiness

circling the drain.

I hang up.

I start the car and notice

the tears roll, blamelessly now

from a different place
where anger has departed
and a hollow ache
has taken residence-
this morning.