Throwback Thursdays

Man listen...This Bug is still open off a show that I saw a few days ago.  I mean wide open.  I'm still buggin' off the vibes.  I can't even speak on it right now.  But ooohwee! You'll have to come back for a full rundown of the events. The line up was sick. Period.  In the meantime and between time...this is how we lock it down. For my true heads, Bucktown and Duck Down all day. 

Never That Simple

What I'm doing- is like trying to build a cathedral out of Popsicle sticks. And while one may admire the artistry of such a feat- anyone observing will instantly recognize it as a useless and laborious task.  Each attempt to come closer to peace finds me several paces further from it.  If it were as simple as applying my favorite shade of lipstick to the contours of my lips without the aid of a compact- I would soar.  Knowing this mouth all my life takes the work out of it.  But it's never that simple, is it?  You cannot just paint over the cracks and pretend the dilapidation is nonexistent.  The truth will bleed through eventually.  It's still there.  Like the mottled blemishes on the once mauve lips of  my youth, I know how they got there.  I only succeed in hiding them from the rest of the world.  It's the reason I don't leave the house without lipstick.  But I know what's there from dragging smoke across them for the better part of eighteen years.  Damage.

This is my guilt.  Shining up the armor each morning.  Preparing for battle.  Locking out the world and showing a brave, war painted face.  Brandishing scars and weapons of sarcasm that tell the same story.  I fight against phantom assailants that are no more than shadows of my past.  They would disappear if I could just turn a light on.  I could back up and finally see the wholeness of me.  But I'm broken at best.  Constantly piecing together the ill-fitting parts for some semblance of normalcy. It's like groping around in a dark but familiar room.  When you knock into the end table, sending the lamp to the floor- it's not because you didn't know it was there.  You just weren't mindful of the known obstacles.  They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.  They would have had me committed years ago.

Sometimes I dream of a love that rights the wrong.  A love that hurts and heals simultaneously, a deserving love.  I came close once.  But in my haste, I mistook it for mine. I understand now that it was not mine to claim.  None of it is ours to keep.  We should simply pass it along like a message that may self-destruct once read. And be thankful someone thought us worthy of the mission.

This morning

An errant silver hair up front

betrays the girlish ponytail

I've so painstakingly constructed

this morning.

It's chillier in the apartment

than usual- knowing it's already hot

in the Sunshine state.

I do not hear the kettle on the range.

Forget the black pekoe steeping

in my mug dotted with ladybugs.

No time to drink it.
Too much time spent on the ponytail

that isn't fooling anyone.

I ring my father.

Remind him of the man

we would see
while lapping the high school track
for exercise.
He would walk the grassy outskirts
in shorts and knee high socks
jostling a rocks glass of amber liquid.
Nodding at passers by.
A comical smile on his face.
Bourbon perhaps?
For the sake of refills I hope
he lived close by.
We laugh-
even as I feel my happiness

circling the drain.

I hang up.

I start the car and notice

the tears roll, blamelessly now

from a different place
where anger has departed
and a hollow ache
has taken residence-
this morning.

Throwback Thursdays

Um...yeah.Shout out to Miami. 



That's all I got today.  Peace.

Just a thought

In an effort to escape the doldrums of my livelihood, I'm back with the ever popular list.  Just the random musings and occurrences that go on.  I never tire of sharing the exploits and aimless thoughts that make up This Bug's Life. It keeps me sane.  Some thoughts from the mind of a jilted, Ciroc swiggin' blogger just trying to make it... 

What the hell ever happened to tan M&M's ? Not only did they quietly disappear years ago, but they were replaced by blue ones.  Seriously, if they had to chuck a color- nobody would have missed the dark brown ones. Nobody.  And maybe it's just me, but I have a strong distrust for anything edible that's an unnatural shade of blue.  Blue juice.  Blue Jell-O.  Blue popsicles. Blue lollipops.  It never quite tastes like raspberry and it leaves your tongue looking like you felated a Smurf. Uh-uh. They can keep that.  But...This Bug has been known to sip her share of Hypnotiq.  Stay tuned for a drink recipe.

 As a film buff, I'm not ashamed to say that I've never seen a full Woody Allen movie. Ever.  I dunno, he just seems boring. He's supposed to be this Oscar winning genius- and he very well may be, but I just don't see it.  It's quite possible that I'm missing out on fantastic cinematic experiences but I just have no interest in his work. That's not to say I haven't tried.  I got about 20 minutes into Hannah and Her Sisters before shutting it off.  It was a forgettable experience to say the least.  To say the most? The Purple Rose of Cairo sucked.  Let's move on. 

I've said it time and again. This Bug leads an interesting life.  I don't know why I attract the crazies. The weirdos. Those in a state of arrested development.  It's like I'm Lady Liberty only my banner reads: "Bring me your deranged, your unstable. Your huddled masses yearning to send photos of genitalia via text message." That's what happened weeks ago when I ran into a guy I went to Junior High with and we exchanged numbers to catch up.  After sporadic text messages over 2 weeks, we finally spoke on the phone. General conversation. And I mean general. Nothing that would make it okay to send a pic from the neck down to the forbidden forest 5 minutes after getting off the phone.  I'm not kidding.  Everything was in this photo but the head. (Yeah, that one.) The jury is still out on what made him think that was perfectly acceptable to do. On the upside, I think the shower curtain in background was from Target and I really want to change the scheme of my bathroom so kudos to him for giving me decorating ideas...Freakin' perv.

When the going gets tough, the tough get over it.  That's been my motto since a series of unfortunate events have blindsided me in the past few weeks.  I don't know if it's some built-in coping mechanism or what, but losing myself in work and striving to keep my sanity and blog about it has become my number one priority.  It's been a tough road financially, romantically and nutritionally since I barely have time to eat while running between two jobs.  But hey, nothing a soy protein shake can't help during the day and a glass of Goose and Cran can't fix at night.  Food is for sissies.

Shady, Shady, Shady...Okay, I'm not sure what happened between his verse off Drake's Forever remix and that sad excuse for an anthem, Not Afraid but This Bug is baffled. If I run into him on the humble, I'll have to ask sincerely ask him, "Son...what happened?" I read that he'd gone through some things in the past few years and he had to pause for the cause.  Rehab, Depression.  A friend passing away. That's alot to deal with. I feel that. I hadn't heard the new album, Recovery but I was looking forward to his return when I heard the remix of Forever. He murdered it with real lyrics.  That's the Em I know and respect.  Honestly, I used to listen to that song 'til the end just to hear his part.  His energy was crazy the way he comes into the track.

"There they go! Back in stadiums

as Shady spits his flow.

Nuts they go- Macadamia. They go so ballistic whoa."

Then I heard 'Not Afraid' and wondered what the fuck happened. He's singing. Singing, yo. And his delivery is forced. I have to call it like I see it. If you're gonna continue on this path- you should be afraid, Em. Just sayin'...

Equal parts Hypnotiq + Alize Gold on Ice = a She Hulk.   Pretty tasty cocktail if you can do a juicy cognac/vodka mix.  Take it from me. Sip it slow or run the risk of radio-active intoxication, leaving nothing but amnesia for the all the destruction you may leave in your wake. I speak from experience.

 

Cream of the Planet

Let the record show that This Bug's fondness for Mos Def is river deep, mountain high. It's no secret.  He's not listed as Jayne's Addiction on the right  panel for no good reason.  I could sit here and lick off countless verses and songs which showcase his limitless talent- but I'd rather just let you hear for yourself.  The following video by Ski Beatz featuring Mos is for the single, Cream of the Planet off the new album 24 Hour Karate School by the former. Seriously. How can you not love that album title?  It's been rumoured that all of Mos Def's work on the Creative Control project had been pulled before the September 7th release, but I don't know how true that is. I hope not.  That would be an injustice. Anyway- a friend of mine floated this one my way and incidentally, it played flawlessly on my phone without pausing once.  (You know how it goes: Buffering...buffering...buffer...oh screw this! Effin' Crackberry!) I love everything about this joint. The jazzy horns.  The hypnotic beat.  But the lyrics, man.  The lyrics... "Listen, life is fantastic.  Beautiful and tragic. Plain. Classic." I couldn't have said it better myself, Mos.