This Bug's Life: Know Thy Enemy

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." - William Congreve

Apparently Big Will knew what he was talking about way back in 1697 and things have not changed so much since then. Enter YaVaughnie Wilkins- the jilted mistress of software supernova Charles Phillips, President of Oracle. This woman went to extensive lengths to embarrass and slander her former lover. As the story goes, they had an eight year relationship while he was married. And boy, does she have the pics to prove it. Earlier this week it was revealed that Wilkins took out a huge billboard ad in three major cities including the famous Times Square in NYC. On it was the link to a website that boasted numerous photo albums chronicling years of their illicit affair. Parties, vacations, New Years Eve. You name it. According to news reports- she hired a web designer back in August 2009 to set up the site. (The website has since been disabled.) He was under the impression it was gift to her beau. If revenge is a dish best served cold, she definitely took her time to make it tasty. The proverbial shit hit the fan when identical billboards showed up in Atlanta and San Francisco. I wish I could have seen his face when he got that phone call.

Exhibit A

Here's my thing: I really don't respect what she did...but I understand. While no one knows the details of their relationship or how it lead to something so mortifying- there's something to be said for a woman with a grudge who has enough bread to make this happen. Make no mistake. If more women had the means to pull it off, Times Square might be plastered weekly with the many faces of cheaters who changed direction midstream. Too many times though, women play the role of the victim knowing full and well the guy was married. For a time, they play their position. Then something goes terribly awry. Suddenly they go from abiding side piece to- in Wilkins' case at least, a woman on a rampage. But he undoubtedly gave her the ammunition. The seeds to ruin his image and marriage were planted from the time he chose to step out on Wifey. To add insult to injury, the website included dozens of florist cards signed "Charles" with messages of "I'm sorry, please forgive me" and "We're going to have a great life, stick with me." The worst of the lot is a quote she had emblazoned on the billboard quoting Phillips. "You are my soulmate forever." She obviously believed him until events on both sides proved this to be untrue. Ouch.

Happier Times

I think only a woman hurt beyond belief would go this far to stick it to a dude. Honestly, I can identify with certain components of this story. Admittedly, This Bug experienced a fraction of what Wilkins was probably feeling. One minute you're on top of the world. You think no one understands your love except you and the one you're in it with. You tell yourself that even though the timing is off- in an alternate reality the two of you would be happy together if not for your respective situations. But the hard, ugly truth is that there is no alternative to reality. Dreamland is a nice place to visit but it is not inhabitable. And when I woke up from Dreamland- a cold, cold reality awaited. I was hurt. I was bitter. I was a woman scorned. But vengeful actions like taking out a public billboard to showcase what a lie it all was would have been uncouth, unfair to him and furthermore, an affront to myself. It took two to tango- no matter how brief and elaborate the dance was. Live and learn and then get ~~even~~ on with your life.

Faceful o' Love

"In the sex war, thoughtlessness is the weapon of the male, vindictiveness of the female."- Cyril Connolly

What drives a woman to push the boundaries in such a malicious fashion? That's a loaded question with many variables. Bottomline. But it goes back to what I always say: Nothing but time and circumstance will show you who a person truly is. There was a time when I was convinced I had a soulmate forever. I'm sure he believed the same. We were untouchable. What happened? Life. And while I was tempted to cause an upheaval, I knew deep down it would be wrong. I wish YaVauhnie would have called me first. I would have told her that no man is worth trading your dignity or thousands of dollars to prove a moot point. When the smoke clears, I'm sure she'll regret her impulsive but calculating actions. While her current relationship status is unknown, she shot herself in the foot with this spiteful little stunt. If I were a potential suitor of hers, upon hearing about this- I would run like hell. And while I'm sure Phillips will think twice before carrying on another extramarital affair; that lesson was his to learn and not hers to teach.