Don't Look Now...

For those of you who missed it- This Bug leads a pretty interesting life. I'm not sure why- but for some reason I'm always around to bear witness to the stranger things that tend to occur. This account is not so strange- but I still found it interesting. Trust me, Folks. I couldn't make this up.

So last week I'm staying at a hotel many states away from home. After soaking up monsoon-like rain in a place that is known for their sunshine (and evil Mickey Mouse Empire) I return to my room with my friend. He notices a peculiar note on the floor that was not there when we left hours ago. It reads:

I think you kind of cute. 954-XXX-XXXX (Insert Bold Person's Name Here)

The closet narcissist that is This Bug immediately panics. Ohmygod!!! Someone must be watching me! It's happened before, you know. Weird anonymous love note on my windshield once. Riiiight... No such thing this time. Upon further inspection- it's obvious the note was surreptitiously slipped under my room door for him. Silly me. I must be losing my touch. For pure entertainment, I urge him to call the number written in ladylike penmanship. You know, just for shits and giggles. He calls. A young woman with the slowest, country-est, cornbread & collard green eatin' Southern drawl answers. The following conversation ensues via speakerphone:

Bold Person: Hellaw?

Kind of Cute: Hey, I'm looking at this note I just found. I'm not really sure what it's about.

BP: Welllll, I'm not sho' I lef' it under da right door. (Giggles) But if dis is who ah think it is... ah thought you was kinda cute.

K.O.C. : Well, what did the person look like?

BP: You was brrrown skinnded...and Ummm...had drrraids. Is dat you?

(At this point, he and I are stifling wide-mouthed laughs. No sound coming out.)

K.O.C. : Um, yeah. That kinda sounds like me. I don't remember seeing you, though.

BP: When you seen me I was lookin' kinda busted. I had my hurr tied up in a scarf an' all...

K.O.C.: Oh. Okay. I might have seen somebody- but you went by in a flash. I might as well have seen a bunny rabbit run by.

BP: (Giggles into the phone) Welllll...I seent you. Mmm hmmm..

The conversation moves to who she is staying with, how long she'll be at the hotel, plans for a club later that night and how she could come down to his room if he wasn't busy. (Cue sound of needle scratching across the record here.) Wait. WTF?! Is she crazy? Now granted- Kind of Cute looks awful breezy. Harmless, even. Which he is. But this girl didn't know him from a can of Benjamin Moore. Judging from the convo, she could have easily made her way to a rendezvous with nothing but a man, some GHB spiked drinks, pliers and some duct tape.

K.O.C. : Actually...I'm not even there right now. I just ran in and out when I found your note. I thought it might have been a receipt I dropped earlier. Maybe later on tonight I can catch up with you.

BP: Yeahhhh....Aight den...gimme a call layter. Furreal. (More giggles)

I quietly prompt Kind of Cute to have her send a pic of herself to his phone. You know, just so he can remember the bunny that skittered by. She agrees. Oh! How I wish I could post that photo. You have NO idea. But I'll be fair. Plus, he probably deleted it by now. She wasn't a hot sizzlin' mess...but an odd, broad shouldered mess all the same. Minutes later he gets a text asking if he received her pic. We erupt into laughter. He replies that his is on the way. He never sends one. Anyway, to my knowledge there was no further exchange between Bold Person and Kind of Cute. And This Bug actually learned a few things. One: You never know who's in stealth mode watching you come and go from your hotel room. Two: No notes for me that weekend- I have officially lost my touch. Three: There is no such thing as too forward in those parts. That shy Country Girl shit is an act.

M-I-C See you in your room...
K-E-Y Why? Becuz you kinda cute...
M-O-U-S- Too Easy!