What Now?

It's happening again. Every now and then, I am presented with some remarkable opportunity and true to form- this Bug freezes. I can't explain it. I've tried to articulate it before but I never get it quite write right. Within me lives a duality of sorts. A strange combination of potential greatness and self-deprecating failure all at once. Somehow- they coexist in my being, much to my chagrin. I suppose these two dynamics are what actually conceive my 'premature procrastination'. You would think that after a few successes that curious condition would go away, but it never really does. Not for me. It seems that with each step that I take towards a new endeavor, I have a habit of inching my way back while I picture holding my nose and just diving in. Well, maybe that's just my style when it comes to winning. Just when I think I have no moves left, something spectacular materializes. Before long, I look around and see that I’ve unwittingly covered all of my bases. It’s really peculiar. But for all of my doubt, I know this: There is no difference between what the cowardly and the brave heart is feeling. The moment of truth lies in the execution of what needs to be done. Now if I could just get over that initial ambivalence, I'd be in tip-top shape. I think Marianne was on to something. Do I have a plan? No. I never really do. But I always wind up exactly where I intended to be. I guess that is what makes me unquestionably and unapologetically... This Bug.